Dirty Jokes in Urdu for Girls In English In Hindi Punjabi For Adults on Pathan With Pictures in Urdu

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Funny Jokes Urdu 2013 Dirty Jokes in Urdu for Girls In English In Hindi Punjabi For Adults on Pathan With Pictures in Urdu 2014.

Funny Jokes Urdu 2013 Biography.

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Aik aadmi jangal jangal se guzar raha tha

Lion: "aaj mein tumhara khoon pi jaaonga".

Aadmi: "mera khoon thanda hai, mere piche aik nojawaan aaraha hai us ka khoon garam hai uss ka khoon pina."

Lion: "nahi, aaj mera dil cold drink pine ko ji chah raha hai."

Aik bhikari Sarak(Road) par langra kar chal raha tha. Samne se teen dost aarahe the. Bhikari ko iss tarah chalet daikh kar pehle dost ne kaha. “yar dekho be chare bhikari ki tang tooti hoyi hai”.

Doosre dost ne kaha: “nahi yar! Mujhe lagta hai keh is ki tang maflooj ho gayi hai.”

Yeh sun kar tisra dost bola. “ tum donon ghalat andaze laga rahe ho, mujhe lagta hai is ki tang ko polio ho chukka hai”.

Iss baat par teenon doston mein takraar hone lagi. Bala-akhir inhon ne faislah kia keh wo bhikari se hi puch lete hain, wo teenon bhikari ke paas gaye aur is se pucha. “ bhayi saheb! Yeh aap ki tang kis tarah tooti”.

Bhikari (ghosse se teenon doston ko ghurte hoye bol

Imran: “ iss gaye (cow) ke singh kiun nahi hain?

Jalal: “ baaz ke paidaishi nahi hote, baaz ke larayi jhagray mein toot jate hain, baaz ke hum khood kaat dete hain lekin jis kit tum baat kar rahe ho yeh, gaye nahi gadha hai.”

Aik saaheb ki binayi kamzor ho rahi thi. Wo aankhon ke doctor ke paas gaye. Doctor ne aankhon ka check up karne ke baad kaha: “ abhi aap ainak na lagwayain balkeh aap carrots khana shoro kar dain.”

In sahib ne kaha: “ lekin carrots to hamare kharghosh (rabbit) buhat raghbat se khate hain, yeh ajeeb ilaaj hai.”

Doctor: “kia aap ne apne rabbit ko ainak lagate dekha hai?”

Zahni maraaz ke hospital se aik mareez ko chutti dene se pehle doctor ne mareez se kaha. “Allah ka shukar hai ab aap bilkul theek hain. Aaj hum aap ko ghar bhaij rahe hain. Aap hamara bil ada kar dain.”

Mareez ne shahana lehje main kaha. “ bil kon sa bil? Shahi tabyat tumhara dimagh to kharab nahi ho gia keh Akbar Badsha se bil ki raqam mang rahe ho”.

Atif : “yar farhan! Mein ne suna hai keh mosiqi ke asraat se pani kholta hai.”

Farhan: “ yeh to sach hi hoga kiun keh jab tum gana gate ho to aksar mera khoon kholta uthta hai.”

Aik aurat ne apni saheli se pucha “buhat arse se tumhare shohar nazar nahi aarahe, kia baat hai, kia vo bimaar hain?”

Saheli Boli “kuch arse pehle vo bimaar the, main unhain Doctor key paas le gayi, Doctor ne unhain aaram karne ka mashwarah dia aur kaha keh jab tak mein na kahon, bistar se na uthna, iss key baad doctor ka inteqaal ho gia.”

Aik saheb apne dost key ghar rahne gaye, dost ka aik hi bacha tha jin se saheb har waqt batain karte rahte the, bacha in key har waqt bolne se be had tang tha, aik din saheb ne bache se kaha. “Mian! Agar mein kahon keh abhi raat ho rahi hai magar din ka waqt ho to tum kia karo gay?”

Bache ne munh banate huye jawab dia. “ Abbu se kahun ga keh aap ko pagal khane le jayain.”

Aik kanjus shakhsh ne ghar mein dakhil ho kar apni begam ko zordar aawaz dekar kaha

.Begam : aaj to hum khana bahir khayenge.

Begum ne khushi khushi kaha bas mein panch minute mein kapre badal kar ayi.

Kanjus: arey kapre badalne ki kia zarurat hai mein to keh raha tha keh aaj sehan mein beth kar khana kha lete hain.

Aik saheb apni biwi ke sath kahin ja rahe the raaste mein in ka aik dost mila jis ke hath mein hathkari lagi huye thi do police wale is ke dayain bayain chal rahe the woh Saheb dorte huye is ke qareeb gaye aur bole.

Are yeh kia hua?

Mein ne apni biwi ko qatal kar dia aur ab mujhe 6 hafte ke liye jail bheja jaraha hai.

"Biwi ke qatal karne par sirf 6 hafte ki jail" wo saheb bar baraye phir biwi ko pukara " idhar aao mein barson se aik baat par ghor kar raha hon mein sonchta hon ise aaj anjaam de hi dalun.

Inhon ne yeh keh kar police man se banduq chini aur biwi ko goli mardi, in ke dost ne baat puri karte huye kaha.

Mein 6 hafte mein rahon ga phir mujhe phansi ki saza ho jaye gi.

Aik shaksh jis ka bazu kata hua tha woh bara hi pareshan rehta tha. aik din is ne apni is pareshani ko khatam karne ke liye Minar-e-Pakistan se khud kashi karne ka irada kia. jab woh minar Pakistan ke uper char gia, to niche kia dekhta hai keh aik shaksh jis ke donon bazu nahi the aru woh dance kar raha tha.

woh bara hairan hua aur sonchne laga keh mera aik bazu nahi hai aur mein itna pareshan hon lekin is ke dono bazu nahi hain aur yeh dance kar raha hai. woh niche aaye aur pucha keh mera to aik bazu nahi hai aur mein pareshan hon, tumhara donon bazu nahi hain aur tum dance kar rahe ho, is ne kaha mein dance kab kar raha hon mujhe to kharish ho rahi hai..................?

Funny Jokes Urdu 2013 Dirty Jokes in Urdu for Girls In English In Hindi Punjabi For Adults on Pathan With Pictures in Urdu 2014.

Sexy Funny Jokes Dirty Jokes in Urdu for Girls In English In Hindi Punjabi For Adults on Pathan With Pictures in Urdu 2014.

Sexy Funny Jokes Biography.

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Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"

Sam: "I don't know."

Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."

Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy.

So she said, "if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"

"Somebody else's pants."

Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?

Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.

Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?

Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"

"None," answered little Norman.

"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."

"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

- See more at: http://apnapassion.com/jokes/english/teacher.html#sthash.2xLAoED4.dpuf

The patient says, "Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."

The doctor says, "Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."

The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.

The doctor says, "Next, please."

Patient - Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.

Doctor - Pull yourself together man!

Patient - Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a dog.

Doctor - Take a seat.

Patient - I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.

Patient - Doctor doctor! I feel like a dog.

Doctor - How long have you felt like this?

Patient - Since I was a puppy.

Patient - Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bell.

Doctor - Take these pills, and if they don't help, give me a ring.

- See more at: http://apnapassion.com/jokes/english/doctor.html#sthash.EiOXYzCM.dpuf

Santa: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?

Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother.

Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"

Banta : How do you know??

Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,

Oh GOD ! U have came again..

Teacher to Santa " Where were U born?

Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.

Teacher : Spell it?

Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.

Banta: R u ok?

Santa: Yeah!

Banta: Did u break anything?

Santa: No, there's nothing down here

Dress code 4 a party - BLACK TIES ONLY.

Banta goes for the party & is surprised to see that the other guests are wearing SUITS also!

Santa: Why Americans stop printing stamps with photo of Pamela Anderson?

Banta: Coz people started licking the wrong side of it for pasting them on the envelopes.

- See more at: http://apnapassion.com/jokes/english/santa-banta.html#sthash.LDfXCi2I.dpuf

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.

English Wife: Why three?

Annoyed Husband: For you and your parents.

English Wife: Look a thief has entered our kitchen and he is eating the cake I prepared.

Funny Husband: Whom should I call now, Police or Ambulance...?!

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream That you were sending me Jewelry and clothes!

Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill !!!

Husband: you will never succeed in making that dog obey you!

Wife: Nonsense its only a matter of patience, I had a lot of trouble with you at first.

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?

- See more at: http://apnapassion.com/jokes/english/husband-wife.html#sthash.7ztLI15q.dpuf

Woh kaun thi

Husband Aur Wife Hotel Me Gaye Tabhi Eik Lady Ne Hello Kiya, Wife - Koun Thi Wo?

Hus - Tum Dimag Kharab Mat Karo, Main Pehle Hi Pareshan Hu Ki Woh Bhi Yehi Puchegi .

wife hits her husband with frying pan

Husband: What was that for...?

Wife: I found a paper in your pocket

with the name Jenny on it.

Husband: I took part in a race last week

and Jenny was the name of my horse.

Wife: Sorry..!

Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again

Husband: What now..?

Wife: Your horse is on the Phone .

Wife came home with a goat.

Husband asked"Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?"

Wife:"Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!"

Husband:"Bakri se hi poch raha hon"

Husband wife mein ladai hoi

Husband wife mein ladai hoi,

Husband ghar se chala gaya ,

Husb: Rat ko phone pay,"Khanay mein kia hai"

Wife: Zeher.

Husb: Mai dair se aonga, tum kha kar so jana:

Man: Sir, my wife is missing.

Postmaster: bhai ye post office hai,

police station me complain dijiyee.

Man: Kia karon, khushi k mare

kuch samajh nahin aa raha .

Why did u shoot ur wife ?

Judge: why did u shoot ur wife

instead of shooting her lover?

Sardar: Your honour,

it's easier to shoot a woman once,

than shooting one man every week.

Sexy Funny Jokes Dirty Jokes in Urdu for Girls In English In Hindi Punjabi For Adults on Pathan With Pictures in Urdu 2014.

Dirty Jokes Joke of The Day Dirty Jokes in Urdu for Girls In English In Hindi Punjabi For Adults on Pathan With Pictures in Urdu 2014.

Dirty Jokes Joke of The Day Biography.

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Aik saheb keraya per makan lekar aik naye muhalla main gaye. Chaar roz baad in kay darwaze per dastak hoyi wo saheb bahir niklay to aik aadmi assalam aliqum kah ker bola.

Naye parosi hone ki haisyat se aap se mil ker buhat khushi hasil hoi hai lakin sath hi aap ki khidmat main aik guzarish bhi hai.

Farmaiye kia kaam hai.

Kerayadar ne kaha.

Guzarish ye hai keh aap zara maddhim aawaz main kharrate lia karain ke mari nind kharab na ho sake.

Sikaiti parosi se mukammal tayaruf ke liye poocha gia.

App ki tareef.

Jabab dia gia.

Saheb main aap ke is muhalley ka chokidar hoon.

Sipahi: (cycle sawar se) ruk jaao tumhari cycle mein light nahi hai.

Cycle sawar : ruk nahi sakta janab. Is mein brackein bhi nahi hain.

Shagird (maths k teacher say) janab! English kay teacher English mein baat krtay hain, Urdu kay teacher urdu mein aur Arbic kay Arabic mein aap bhi maths mein baat kia karein.

Teacher: “Mujh say teen panch mat karo, sari char so bisi nikal donga, chalo no do giarah ho jao warna aisa maron ga bas aik kay do nazar aayein gay.”

Aik Shakhs (doosray say): Mein M.A pas hon.

Doosra shakhs mein poori ABC pas hon.

Amir (Nasir say): kia tum English jantay ho?

Nasir: han agar Urdu mein boli jaye.

Aik dost (doosray dost say):Meri aankh mein dard hai koi ilaaj batao.

Doosra dost: meray dant mein dard tha, mein nay nikalwa dia tum bhi aisa hi karo.

Aik dafa aik musafir ko apni manzil per jate huye rastey main raat ho gayi. Is ne rastey main aik musafir khane yani saraye main raat basar karne ka faisla kia. Musafir ke pas aik sufaid rung ka ghora bhi tha.

Is ne wo ghora saraye kay mulazim ko de kar kaha keh tumhain iski hefazat karni hai. Sath hi is ne yeh sonch ker keh mulazim so na jaye isey lohe ka bana huya aik aalah dia jis se bhison ko nahlate huye ragar ragar kar in kay jism ki gandagi saaf kartay hain aur kaha keh is se ghorey ke jisam ko ragarte ya ghaste rahna. Ye kah ker wo so gia.

Mulazim thuri dair to ghorey ke jism ko lohe ke aaley se ragarta raha. Phir ye soch ker ke yahan konse chor aayen ge main bhi so jata hoon wo bhi so gia.

Sobha jab mulazim utha to ye daikh ker bara pareshan hoya keh ghora chor le gaya hai. Ab malik ko kia jawab de ga. Is ke zehan main aik terkeeb aagaii.

Is ne jaldi se ja ker jungal se aik sufaid rung ka khargosh pakra aur isko lohe ke aaley se ghasna shuroo kar dia. Isi doran malik uth giya aur ghorey ko gayab daikh ker poocha ghora kahan hai aur ye tum kia kar rahe ho.

Mulazim ne khargosh ki taraf ishara kerke kaha. Janab ye ghora hi to hai. Sari raat ghaste ghaste itna sara rah gia. Ab aap batayain aur ghasoon ya bas karoon.

Aik dost (Doosray say): Tumhari ammi ko kaisay pata chala keh tum nay mun nahi dhoya?

Doosra dost : mein sabun bhigona bhool gia tha.

Iqbal (Ahmad say):dunya ka sab say taqat war aadmi kon hai?

Ahmad: traffic police jo sirf hath kay aik isharay say sainkron garyan rok leta hai.

Bhikari (Aadmi say) bhayi do ropay ka sawal hai?

Aadmi : Sirf do rupay hi ka kiun?

Bhikari: Mein aadmi ki awqaat deikh kar hi mangta hon.

Baap (betay say): Tum nay tareekh mein itnay kam number kiun liye hain?

Beta: “ Abbu tareekh kay parchay mein ziadah tar sawalat aisay puchay gaye the jo meri paidaish say pehlay kay the.

Aik perley darge ke sust-ul-wajood shaks ne apne aik dost se kaha. Bhai meri to hamesha qudrat ne madad ki hai.

Kaise?

Sust aadmi bola.

Main ne kuch darakht girane ka program banaya tha ka toofan aagia aur kuch darakht gir gia is kay baad mujhe kura karkat ke dher ko jalana tha kay aasmani bijli karki aur kura karkat kay dher khud ba khud jal kar rakh ho gia.

Ab kia program hai.

Dost ne sust-ul-wajood se pucha.

Mera program zameen se aaloo gajarain nikalne ka hai aur main is kam ke liye zalzaley ka muntazir hon.

Musafir (Gard se): gard saheb kia gari chalne mein itna waqt hai keh main chaye pi aayon.

Gard: is kay yakeen dilane kay liye mein khud aap ke sath chal sakta hon chaye pine kay liye.

Aik aadmi ko buhat pias lagi huyi thi. Woh aik sharbat walay kay pas gia aur kaha mujhay aik glass sharbat do. Phir kaha meri larayi honay wali hai.

Sharbat walay nay dheyan nahi dia aur sharbat ka glass pesh kia.

Woh aadmi sharbat pi kar bola. Mujhay aik glass sharbat aur do meri larayi honay wali hai.

Sharbat walay nay suna magar kuch kaha nahi. Phir is nay kaha.

Sharbat walay nay tisra glass bhi dia aur jab is nay sharbat pi lia to is nay pucha aap ki kis say larayi honay wali hai.

Is aadmi nay kaha. Tum say kiun keh meray pas denay kay liye sharbat kay paisay nahi hain.

Bhikari nay aik aadmi say kaha:khanay ko kuch mil sakta hai?

Is aadmi nay poocha:kal ka salan khalo gay?

Bhikari nay kaha: Ji han koi harj nahi.

Is aadmi nay kaha: acha to phir kal aajana, aaj to kuch nahi hai.................?

Dirty Jokes Joke of The Day Dirty Jokes in Urdu for Girls In English In Hindi Punjabi For Adults on Pathan With Pictures in Urdu 2014.

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If you are socially active and a frequent texter, you can check out these seven free Android-based SMS applications to stay connected on the go.

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Tuesday, March 06, 2012: Ever since the advent of mobile phones, short messaging services (SMS) have remained one of the prime tools for getting connected, relatively popular among the young generation. Now, there are many apps available online to help you send free SMSs via your smartphone devices.

Check out the 7 free SMS apps for Android phones now available in India via the Android Market.

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JaxtrSMS

The messaging network allows unlimited free Jaxtr to Jaxtr messaging services to the Android users. You can send free SMS/text messages to any other JaxtrSMS user and to any mobile phone in USA and India. JaxtrSMS automatically integrates with your address book so you can send messages to anyone whether they have JaxtrSMS or not. If the receiver does have JaxtrSMS, messages appear as threaded. It works with WiFi and network coverage. Compatible with Android 2.1 and above, you can download JaxtrSMS app for free by visiting the Android Market.

Free2SMS India

Here's another mobile app that lets you enjoy unlimited free SMS on your Android device anywhere in India. To use this app, you need to have an Android device and an active Data Plan or Wi-Fi. Designed with a refined user-friendly interface, the app offers free SMS to anywhere in India by using Wi-Fi or packet data (3G/Edge/GPRS). The app lets you switch gateways instantaneously with a mere touch. You can select contacts from your phonebook to send SMS directly through this app. You can also access sent and received messages in-app. You can download Free2SMS India app for free by visiting the Android Market.

FullonSms

Fullonsms.com is again a free SMS service for the Android phone users in India. You can send unlimited, full 160 characters SMS for free to your friends and contacts in India. The app lets you schedule SMS for future delivery. It helps you create multiple groups and import contacts from your phonebook. You can send free SMS messages by just typing name or mobile number and much more! You can download FullonSms app for free by visiting the Android Market.

Textoo

Textoo is a free messaging app for Android lovers. The app allows you to send free group SMS using Web gateways like way2sms and site2sms. There are unlimited accounts for these gateways stored in the app. You can switch between accounts with just two clicks from anywhere within the app. To start with this app, just choose a gateway that fits you best. Users just need to register an account to compose a message and send it using the active account. You can download Textoo app for free by visiting the Android Market.

One of the most popular mobile apps, WhatsApp Messenger is available for Android, BlackBerry, iPhone, Windows Phone and Nokia phones. This app uses your 3G or Wi-Fi connectivity to send messages to your friends and family. Also, you can switch from SMS to WhatsApp to send and receive messages, pictures, audio notes and video messages. Available for free in the first year, the application can be used for unlimited chat and sending a million messages a day to your friends for free! You can download WhatsApp for free by visiting the Android Market.

Viber

Viber app for Android lets you communicate free to all. It allows Android users to call and text anyone, anywhere. With more than 40 million Viber users, the app lets them call, text, send photos and locations with each other worldwide - for free. Available for Android and iPhone, Viber is completely free with no advertising! It's a simple-to-use Android app that lets you connect with your friends whose numbers you already have. It syncs with your mobile phone number and contact list to instantly show who already has Viber. You can download Viber app for free by visiting the Android Market.

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What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer ?

Just-beer Singh.

What do you call a sardar who has only one drink ?

Just-one Singh.

Khalistan's national song?

Bande marte hum.

A female Khalistan terrorist?

Hard Kaur.

A famous Khalistani profession?

Jarnailism.

khalistan history .. SARSON-DA-SAGA

the great wall of khalistan .. LONG-O-WALL

national dish of khalistan .. AKALI-DAAL

the dirty drain of khalistan .. BAR-NALA

a sikh scuba diver .. JULL-UNDER SINGH

a better adapted sikh diver .. JULLUNDER SINGH GILL

a bald sardarjee .. BAL-WANT SINGH

what does a sardarjee say to a whore ? .. WHORE JEE, KI HAL HAI ?

Q :- Why do you say (Bhagwan Shri) Rajneesh detests city life ?

A :- 'cos, from Koregaon he went to Oreg(a)on.

Q :- What is the most noteworthy contribution of the Sindhis' to

Hindustani Music ?

A :- Raga Kirvani.

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What happens when we're dead? The irony is that all our questions will be answered after we die. We spend our whole life trying to figure out the truth and the only way we'll find out what it is, is to get hit by a bus. And the only comfort that religion offers is that God is driving that bus.

All racists who are prepared to die for their contry, please do that now.

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May 4th, 2002, 12:38 PM #3

secret_obsession secret_obsession is offline

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Do you know urdu/hindi??? If no, than you might not understand these jokes, actually you have to know some punjabi too for completely understandingthem.

What do you call a sikh female's boyfriend?

Her Pal Singh

What do you call a sikh guy running towards the enemy camp with a

white flag in his hand? (This had appeared on SCI long long ago.)

Surrender Singh

Q : What is a rich malayalee called ?

A : Millionayar

One more here

Q : How does a malayalee spell the word 'MOON' ?

A : M - O yet another O N.

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All racists who are prepared to die for their contry, please do that now.

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May 4th, 2002, 12:45 PM #4

ahmadjee ahmadjee is offline

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Can someone please post some jokes about Sikh? Thanks!

May I ask why Sikh jokes specifically?

I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

- Robert McCloskey

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May 4th, 2002, 01:44 PM #5

Degas Degas is offline

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Originally posted by ukhalil11:

Salam!

Can someone please post some jokes about Sikh? Thanks!

khuda hafiz

..it was once discussed here that we would avoid racial jokes.. its sickness of mind when someone is made fun of its race or religion..

Saints are fine for Heaven, but they are hell on earth.

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May 4th, 2002, 01:53 PM #6

ukhalil11 ukhalil11 is offline

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Originally posted by ahmadjee:

May I ask why Sikh jokes specifically?

Good question

I dont really know either, I have just read some sikh jokes and laughed my ass of so wondering if there is any other sikh jokes.

Note:

I personally do not dislike sikhs.

A lot of people hate them because of the way they have to act upon their faith which can become a racial issue. Myself, I have some sikh friends and they are regular humans just like everyone.

khuda hafiz...............?

Dirty Jokes Online Dirty Jokes in Urdu for Girls In English In Hindi Punjabi For Adults on Pathan With Pictures in Urdu 2014.